Super Bowl fever…

So, Super Bowl Weekend has been and gone for this year, but boy did it leave an impression!

This year, the Gladiators joined forces with the Essex Blades who were hosting a party at the University, so a small crowd of us wandered that way for the big game. Glads on parade were myself, our venerable Chairman Dave Hogarth, Dave Crane, a brace of Foxleys, George Meighan, Mark Gilbranch, and, Making his Super Bowl debut, Sam Hogarth. So, we sat towards the back watching the big screen, and something caught our eye. Something pink, something very tiny, and something just peeking out to say hello. At this point we realised that we were in a Student Union… in Essex… so of course it was a bright pink thong. Needless to say none of us minded a little distraction, and for some, that was the closest they’d been to a glimpse of flesh for quite some time…

Anyway, as we were admiring the view, Coach T comes over and specifies the rules for the night’s proceedings. Every kick that goes up, we drink for the hang time. Every first down is two fingers, as was every penalty. And at the end of a quarter, or when the ball was turned over, that was a shot of something short. We were mildly concerned by this, but, T’s our coach, we trust him implicitly and we do as he says…

So, the kick goes up, the beer goes down, and we’re underway. The beer flows, the shots go down and everybody is at ease. Well, almost everybody. Some idiot in a big hat jumps up and down a lot at the front. Someone else throws something at him and he sits down. Everybody is happy again. The pink thong makes another appearance, and everybody is even happier.

The game itself wasn’t the cleanest, most exciting football, and seemed a little cagey at times, but we were all gripped. At least, almost all of us. On occasion it was noticed that George and the Fabulous Foxley Brothers may have had somewhat heavy eyelids. Mind you, they weren’t doing the quantity of drink that the rest of us were.

Into the second half, and the first down celebrations became more animated, the beer (and later the snakebite) disappeared more quickly, and the shots were starting to pile up. As we hit the 4th quarter, 14 year old Sam makes a bold move, declaring that if the Patriots hold on for the win, he’d drink the remaining shots on the table. At this stage, there were 8 Apple Sourz waiting for him. However, it wasn’t to be, and when Eli Manning drove the Giants 80 yards down the field to snatch victory, deep into the 4th quarter, it meant that Sam’s thirst would go unquenched.

As we stumbled back down the stairs we came across the elusive Coach T, escorting a young lady into a taxi. We never saw her face, but we did see something else. Glinting in the moonlight we noticed something pink, something very tiny, and something just peeking out to say hello…

Mobile, Agile, Hostile…

So, quite possibly the coldest evening of the year preceded training this week. That meant one thing – frozen mud.

Needless to say the prospect of rolling around on hard icy ground was enough to put off a few people from training, but the hardcore members of Matt Roberts’ Barmy Army still continued to attend. And in fact, the frozen mud quickly turned to thick, wet mud as the morning, and the training session progressed.

So, as ever, the warm up was followed by the agility – 6 stations, each more devious than the last, where we push ourselves for a couple of minutes each.

So, firstly, “The wobbly cones of doom” – fairly straightforward this one, side shuffle around the cones, through Coach Wilkinson’s little maze, keeping head up, bum down, and avoiding knocking any cones over, on fear of death – well, that’s a touch exaggerated, but some people dread 10 press ups as much as they do death…

Next comes the first of the ladders. This requires two feet between each rung, keeping knees high, and powering forwards. Not too hard, but inevitably someone will trip, tangling the ladder in their feet, and dragging you down with them! We tend to spend most of this drill working on untying knots, usually consisting of mangled ladder and twisted ankles!

Thirdly is Coach Bourke’s drill. easy to understand, straightforward to execute, but the tempo and the repetition are what kills you! Basically this consists of a hurdle, and a cone. Vertical leap over the hurdle, bringing knees to chest, and then sprint to the cone as you land. Perhaps the most underrated, and the station where the most benefit can be gained, but after a leap, sprint and jog back, it’s already your turn to go again. It’s one quick circuit that is repeated over and over – no recovery time on this one! Tends to wear out even the guys with most stamina (and no, i don’t mean Adam Burrows and Tommy Clarke, although their late night sessions do emphasise remarkable stamina…)

Next comes the second ladder drill. Similar to the first, where you put two feet between each rung, but this time you go side to side rather than forward. You tend to see a lot of skipping linemen at this one, gently bouncing from side to side. Good tests for foot speed and balance, so you tend to see a lot of the Defensive line falling over on this one…

Then you’re confronted by the hurdles – bunny hop hell! 5 hurdles, two feet between each hurdle, so high kneed bunny hops are the order of the day. This is where the springy heeled DBs come into their own, but us lineman are left unimpressed at the prospect of picking up the hurdles we’ve inevitably knocked down.

And finally, Rick Rotondo’s Gauntlet run! Well, actually it’s not that exciting – all it consists of are a number of tackle bags laid on the floor, which you have to run through, stepping high over them. Firstly with long strides, then with shorter strides as you put two feet between each bag, and then with longer strides again. Always whilst Rick is yelling something aggressively and loudly, and inevitably followed by “Yeah baby, whoo!”.

So, each week we’re confronted by the 6 stages of hell, so, rest assured, if we ever find ourselves confronted by a hurdle or a tacklebag on the field this season, we’ll know exactly how to deal with it!

As ever training was well constructed, and allowed us to practice all facets of the game, rounded off nicely by a scrimmage. This week the scrimmage was recorded by Coach O’Hare, supposedly for training purposes, but the way he zoomed in on certain people left us a touch concerned… Either way, he managed to get my best side…my back.

So, aside from training, great strides have been made on the social front, and watch this space for details of our Gladiators Quiz night – or, more specifically, details of what clangers Mark can come out with in front of a new audience…

Tie break torture…

So, another Wednesday, another quiz night. As defending champions we strolled in, nonchalantly, with nothing to prove. People turned to watch us stride in, whispering and murmuring in the background as people recognised a group of winners entering the arena. Mark’s eyes narrowed as he caught sight of his nemesis. The opponent stared back, and Dave and I restrained Mark, and stopped him saying something he may regret.We sat out of the way this week, off the main “quiz floor” so as not to have dozens of pairs of eyes burning into us, examining our every move…

Ok, it was actually just really busy, and we had to find a table somewhere!

Anyway, the quiz got underway, and Eric, in his thick Stoke drawl began with…”Which satellite…”

“Telstar”, George pops up with immediately, probably because it’s the only one he’s heard of, but it was the best guess we had, so down it went. A positive start for the defending champs. Well, at least until the old Gilbranch curse comes out again, after only 4 questions. “Blimey, we’re looking good tonight boys – we could be on a winner…” Dave and I look at each other before yelping in despair! “Mark’s cursed us again. No hope now…”

However, the questions continued to come, and we still felt relatively confident. Surely a bad sign. We reached the halfway mark feeling good, a couple of guesses, but generally pretty solid.

A short break was followed by the second half, where our only aim was not to fall apart. And it was all going so well until the last 10 questions. “What is Trinitroluene better known as?” Blank looks from our quartet.

“Cereology is the study of what?” Erm… No Mark, not Shredded Wheat. I was sure i’d heard it before, but couldn’t place it. Something to do with farming? Crops? Maybe Crop circles? Don’t know, but Crop circles was as good a guess as any, so down it went.

“What was Lily Munster’s maiden name?” No Mark, it’s not Lily Savage! Well, she was some sort of vampire wasn’t she? Just stick down Dracula, he was a vampire too.

No! We can’t let it fall apart after 40 questions! But, fall apart it did. So, somewhat desolately, Mark trudged up to pass over the answer paper to Eric. Silence then ensued as the tension mounted…

“So, now the answers…” We were confident that our first half would put us in with a chance, but the second half would kill us. “Question 1, which satellite…” Again, George chirped up, “It’s Telstar, it must be.”

“…was Telstar.”

We let out a little cheer of contentment, and George grinned inanely.

Eric continued answering the questions, and the correct answers kept flowing. After the first 25 questions we had 21 points. One of which was an inspired guess that Dorking and Dark Cornish are breeds of chickens. But now we felt that our fate was decided. There surely wasn’t a chance of any type of victory with a poor performance in the second half.

So, on with the answers… and here something odd happens. We continue getting the answers right. In fact, the first 14 questions of round 2 were correct (including Dave’s inspired calculation that there were 22 boxes in Deal or No Deal). But we were still convinced there were problems brewing.

“Cereology is the study of…Crop Circles” What? You’re kidding? That was a guess, maybe slightly educated, but a guess nontheless…

“And Lily Munster’s maiden name was Dracula” Nothing educated about that one! Blind luck there…

All of a sudden we’re back in the running and we finish with a total of 41 out of 50. Could it be? A win out of nothing?

“Easy ones this week”, Eric insists. “So, anyone with 45 or above? Nobody? Have you all gone home? How about 42 or above? 40 or above?”

We erupt! Well, at least Mark squeaks a little before getting up and wandering over to claim 41. However, a familar face met him en route. His nemesis was stood, grasping an answer paper with 41 declared too. Eric would have to mark them both.

We sat, nervously. Mark sat chuntering about “how on earth that Ronnie Barker look-a-like can get 41″. Then Eric approached… “I only make it 40″. Our faces fell, but with Mark doing all the marking, anything is possible. I checked through it, and saw that he’d marked a question wrong, when it was actually correct. Eric admitted his error, and then…Tie break time!

Now, i should jsut explain something here. Instead of a traditional “nearest the answer wins” tie-breaker, Eric likes to ask another question. Well, actually he likes to ask another 2 questions (just to make sure!). So, firstly “Where is the HQ of the International Red Cross?” George again jumps to the fore, announcing that it’s Geneva. “Question 2, what does Bisto stand for?” Erm, we didn’t even know it was an acronym! But, we resigned ourselves to the fact that this might be the last question of the night, and engaged our sense of humour, writing – “BISTO = Beef Is So Tasty. Oooh”. Needless to say, that wasn’t correct. Interestingly though, neither was the nemesis’ reply. So, after two questions it was 1-1. Eric continues…

“In Malay, what does Orang-utan mean? And where do 80% of the world’s shoes get manufactured?”

Dave’s knowledge bank gets raided here, and he comes up with “Old Man of the Forest”, and China. Both correct, both matched by the opposition.

Questions 5 and 6, “What does the average American male do 5.33 times per week? And when was the first concentration camp built in Nazi Germany?”

Well, we’ve had the first one before, so we know that’s shaving. The second is trickier. War was in 1939, Hitler came to poer in 1933 (we think), so around 1936. Turns out, Hitler was more proactive than we gave him credit for, and he built it in 1933, but the opposition slipped up on that one too. So, 1-1 in that pair of questions. We continue…

“Question 7, Why was Cliff Richard forbidden from entering Singapore in 1978, despite his sell out tour? And question 8, what is French for ‘already seen’?”

Th second one is easy- that’s Deja vu, so even Mark got that. The first is trickier. Probably something to do with religion we decided. Turns out that’s what the opposition put too, but we were both wrong. Apparently his hair was too long. Hmm, that means only one thing…

“Tiebreak question 9, Which Hollywood star had measurements of 70-30-32?”

Only one question this time, but none of us can thinkof an woman with a bust of 70″! Cartoon characters get bandied around, and eventually we stick with Jessica Rabbit. It was Miss Piggy. Neither team got that.

“Tiebreak question 10, how many even prime numbers are there? And question 11, Who or what was ‘Big Willy’?”

Only one even prime number, and that’s 2. But Big Willy? George thinks a canon, i’m inclined to agree. Turns out it was a tank, but neither team knew that. So, more questions…

“Question 12, Which metal is most commonly found in the Earth? And Question 13, what does PDA stand for?”

Personal Digital Assistant…boy could we use one of those right now! Loads of Iron ore in the earth, must be that. No, it’s Aluminium. And the opposition got that right. But they didn’t get the PDA! So, more questions…

“Question 14, which Peanuts character carried a security blanket? And Question 15, who sang the theme to the bond film, “The Spy Who Loved Me”?”

Dave and I immediately say Linus for the first question, and George comes up with a winner – Carly Simon. 2/2 for us. Mark wanders up the now well trodden path to Eric’s booth. His nemesis presents his answers… One of which is wrong. WE WIN!

So, it took a total of 65 questions to separate us, but we’re the best! Reigning champions! Dynasty in the making! Well, we’ll see…

Contact details…

So, the camps are over, and now we’re into some serious training. Pass the vaseline, the deep heat and the helmet, but not necessarily in that order…

Saturday practice goes kitted! An eager buzz of anticipation flows through the air. Time to get rid of the pent up aggression from having to spend Christmas day sat next to your 85 year old grandmother who is as deaf as a post, complains a lot, and smells a lot like old cabbage. Or was that just the sprouts…

So, warm up, agility, where the fat men wobble and the small men bounce, and then Coach Roberts utters the immortal words… “Get kitted”. The new players smile but approach the shoulder pads with trepidation. The returning players (even the linemen) sprint over, and yank the pads over their head.

So, back into positional stuff. Coach O’Hare further emphasised his involuntary celibacy by offering us his balls… tennis balls. “A bit of pass protection with a tennis ball under your chin will make you think about your fundamentals. Oh, and if you drop it, it’s 10 press-ups.” The rookies looked confused. The experienced players merely shoved it down between the chest and the shoulder pads, and wedged it in there. No hope of press ups for us!

Then we worked together as a team on fundamentals – this time it was tackling. It was deemed necessary that the whole team should learn to tackle correctly, so Coach Roberts recited the BAFCA level 1 manual to us, and got the team working at tackling technique. He was very detailed, outlining the “fit” (the approach to a tackle, and the positioning), the “rip” (ripping the arms through), “grip” (wrapping up the ball carrier, and grabbing cloth), and “drive” (driving through the tackle). We repped this a few times, before getting into 3 drills emphasising the use of the tackling technique. Firstly, tackling a runner coming through the line, then a reciever in open field lanes, and then a ball carrier breaking to the sideline. Every time it was “fit, rip, grip, drive”, keep repeating it, “fit, rip, grip, drive”, over and over again…

Then into a scrimmage. Full kit, full contact, give it large! Then, first play, the QB drops back, throws… “INTERCEPTION”. I key in on Scott Taylor who caught the ball, he’s coming towards me, and i’m reciting “fit, rip, grip, drive. Fit, rip grip, drive. Fit, rip, gr…” It’s at that point that i realise i’ve just dropped a shoulder, run straight through him, and sent him flying to the floor 2 yards back. Oh well, practice makes perfect…

Camp no. 2

Firstly, apologies for the delay in posting – time seems to have escaped me!

Now, just under a fortnight ago we held our second mini-camp for new and experienced players alike, and again it was a massive success – mainly because i didn’t keel over and die!

It began, bright and breezy on Saturday morning. Turnout was good, in excess of 50 guys there ready to play. A swift warm up was followed by some work in position specific units, which left the O-line in the capable hands of Coach Neil O’Hare. Rumour abounded that the Coach hadn’t got lucky in some time, seemingly reinforced by his desire to see some large chunks of humanity thrusting their hips. Personally, i think he likes it because we can’t run away too quickly…

Then, into some scrimmaging – the QBs enhanced their reputations as dainty little pretty boys by gently tossing passes for gains of about 5, and handing the ball off to the depleted running back corps – led by Duncan Flack. Duncan is the polar opposite to Neil, encouraging his guys to keep their hips level, and not thrust at all. Apparently running backs don’t need the thrust that linemen do. I’ve yet to ask one of Duncan’s recent conquests to verify this though.

Sunday saw more of the same, but with the added element of some agility training. And i have to tell you, if you’ve never seen a fat man wiggle, it’s quite hypnotic…. Run to the cones and back again. Then jump over the hurdle and run to the cone. Follow that with Bunny hops over more hurdles, running over tacklebags, sidestepping around cones, and then a bit of rhythmic shuffling through a ladder. Needless to say there were some small men who struggled with the hurdles, some big men who struggled with the hops, and some bigger men who finished with both feet tied together in the ladder. Still, we’re at the mercy of the Coaches…

More positional drills followed this, and as the linemen and i stood stamping our feet, i glanced over at the receivers and the DBs. They were running across the field retrieving balls and racing each other back. The linebackers were sprinting, back-pedalling, sprinting, recovering a fumble and running it back, and the running backs were running everywhere. I crouched in my stance, moved one foot forward 6 inches, before bringing it back. It was right then i realised i was probably playing in the right position…

More scrimmaging after that, a few new plays and some exciting new blocking schemes. That’s clearly a recipe for disaster, and sure enough the QBs were brought to the floor on more than one occasion, but there’s plenty of time to iron out the kinks. I hope.

All in all, both camps were a resounding success. We’ve got over 25 new players, many returning guys, and a strong looking roster for next season. With fixtures announced soon, were all excited and keen to put it all into practice as soon as we can.

Training Camp…

So, after months of waiting, and pacing around at home, the time had finally come. Training Camp – part 1.We all knew it was going to be focused on fundamentals and geared more to rookies than anyone else, but the prospect of getting a football in the hands again was too enticing to keep many experienced players away. The weather left a little to be desired – freezing cold, blowing a gale, but not raining, so that was enough to make sure that the turn out was pretty reasonable.So, with new players milling around, unsure of what was going on, and a man from Look East trying to work out why we call it “Football”, Coach Roberts took centre stage. All miked up for the cameras, you got the feeling he was constantly checking himself, and making sure he didn’t start swearing.

“Welcome everyone, i’m Coach Roberts…”

So far so good.

Matt then introduces his team, all of whom are familiar to many already…

Coach Tarquin Stephenson – Offensive Co-ordinator, QBs/WRs

Coach T, as he’s affectionately known, had a stellar career before coming to the Gladiators. A stallwart of Herts Hurricanes BCAFL Bowl winning side, and a fixture on the Great Britain Bulldogs O-line, T has refined his football knowledge through the years, and his experience in charge of the Blades’ O-line means he’s a well qualified coach. However, it’s the fleet-footed moves he throws in the V-bar that make him best suited to the QBs and receivers!

Coach Neil O’Hare – Offensive Line

Neil is vastly experienced, having been a part of the Gladiators before the dissolution, and has since been the Head Coach over at the Essex Blades. Neil also helped out on the microphone come gameday for the Gladiators in recent years, and we all hope his coaching proves more successful than his colour commentary.

Coach Duncan Flack – Running Backs

Dearly devoted Duncan is familiar to all Gladiators and fans, as the cheerful running back, always willing to contribute and encourage others… No, hang on, I’m getting him confused with someone else. Coach Flack will have a healthy stable of Running Backs this season, and assures me that they won’t be following the example he set last season, and instead will actually finish the season with positive yardage in all games.

Coach Karl Bourke – Defensive Line

 

Coach Bourke returns to the Gladiators fold, and is now able to focus his attention onto the Defensive line, a unit that was riddled with injuries and inconsistent personnel last year. Karl should have a number of new and returning Linemen who he can mould into his own image. So, expect lots of facial hair and a waft of pipe tobacco coming from the Gladiator Defence this season!

Coach Simon Wilkinson – Linebackers

Simon is one of the very best to have pulled on the Gladiator shirt. His pedigree is undoubted, as he proved in 2005 where, from the middle linebacker position, he recorded over 90 tackles in only 9 games. However, a relative newcomer to coaching, Coach Wilkinson enters his second year as linebackers coach, looking to build on a solid base establised in 2007.

Coach Sonnel Baptiste – Defensive Backs

Sonnel is another new member of the Gladiators coaching set up, and again brings a real quality to the staff. As a member of the only British team to win a European Championship, the London Olympians, Coach Baptiste has experience at the very highest level, and will be working with some extremely talented DBs. Well, he will be if Scott can stay healthy…

So, with the coaching set up in place, on to the camp.

Day 1 was very much about learing the fundamentals of football, and some basic techniques, so with 6 stations around the field, players both new and old were able to try their hand at every aspect of the sport. So, we began with Coach Wilkinson and the linebacker drills. A bit of an overview of form tackling, before we moved into shedding drills and shiver drills. Very much a brief overview of tackiling and shaking off blocks, but certainly enough to keep people interested, and allowed you to hit a tacklebag, which everyone loves doing. Mark Gilbranch especially seemed to relish in it, and believed that tackling an inert opponent seemed to transform him into a fully feldged linebacker. Well, good luck with that Mark…

Next was the Flack and Clarke show, where Duncan, ably assisted by the all-purpose Tommy Clarke, presented a masterclass in how to take a handoff and how to receive a toss, whilst running into a specific hole. Intelligent, informative, and educational, despite the persistent asides from Coach Flack as to the prowess of the plastic Offensive Line vs. our own Offensive line from last year.

           vs.         

Needless to say Duncan won’t be getting any blocks from us this year. Mind you, he’d say that that’s no change from last year!.

A swift waterbreak preceded the Offensive line clinic, led by Coach T, where the basic stance, and a few first step drills against tackle bags provided an introduction to life in the trenches. It was here where Mark found out that a tackle bag with some weight behind it is much more difficult to shift!

Onto Coach Bourke’s D-line introduction. This again started with the stance, and continued onto the first movements after the snap. Very basic stuff, but as ever with Karl, very informative.

Then Coach O’Hare’s receiving drills, where he was ably assisted by Slider. This was all about catching, running routes, learning to cut, and to beat coverage. It’s just worth noting that yours truly proved an exceptional receiver, and fully expects to slot into a number of eligible positions this season…

And finally, Coach Baptiste’s introduction to Defensive Backs. Needless to say, my svelte, toned physique was absolutely perfect for this, and i took an exceptionally active role…heckling. A few drills around backtracking and advancing, as well as coverage drills, brought to a close day 1.

As ever, the proof of the pudding is in the eating, so we were all keen to see how many of the new players would appear on Sunday morning for Day 2. We were all pleasantly surprised with the turnout, and with conditions less blowy it was more favourable for football. So, after a brief warm up, we broke into positional groups, for more detailed work on the the fundamentals of each position. The defence worked hard with Coaches Wilkinson, Bourke, Baptiste and Roberts, and the Offense with Coach T and Coach Flack. Us hogs on the O-line were treated to more first step drills, concentrating on Angle block and reach blocks, as well as the bucket steps for a cross block. Good stuff, and a solid start for most of the new guys, as well as an excellent refresher for the more experienced players.

After this the Offence and Defence worked separately, with the Defence working on coverage and some defensive systems, and the offence rotating all 4 QBs, as we drilled 4 run plays and 2 pass plays. Once this was well drilled we had a mock scrimmage, running plays against the defence. This showed that we have some players with genuine talent, and means that we have high hopes for 2008.

With one further training camp on 5/6th January, we should be in a solid position to start working hard through January and February and getting geared up for April!

Pipped at the Post…

Well, frustration set in this week. We were able to record our highest ever score – 42/50, and yet were beaten by one point.

This week did however see two remarkable facts come to light… Firstly, Dave Hogarth has a truly enviable array of musical knowledge. Not just music, but comedy songs seem to be his speciality. Dave instantly came to life when we were posed the query “which song contained the line ‘Don’t look Ethel!’”, and when asked “whose love rival was Two Ton Ted from Teddington”, his face lit up as if Christmas had come early. Rumour has it, Dave did a detailed study of “Ernie the Fastest Milkman in the West” back in school, and so had that question nailed down.

And the second fact is that Mark, no matter how hard he tries (and remember, Mark’s a school teacher) cannot spell. One question sumed this up perfectly. “What was the name of the cartoon character who chases the Roadrunner?”. We all know that it’s this chap here….

…but could Mark spell his name? Not a hope. So, picture the scene, the question is asked, slight bit of conferring to ensure we’ve got the right answer, then we look to Mark to write it down. Under the pressure of the three expectant glares from his team-mates he cracks. WHYLY… No Mark, try again. WILY… better, but keep trying. eventually we let him finish the answer and we’re presented with WYLIE KYATE. Evidently, the logic was that WYLIE would rhyme with KYLIE. But to be honest we were too busy laughing to see that. “No Mark, there’s an O in it…” Sure enough, he starts again and we get WYLIE KYOTE. Cue further merriment. Not really sure what the other teams were thinking when we were rolling on the floor in hysterics, so much so that we nearly missed the following question. Eventually we settled with WYLIE COYOTE (for anyone checking, it should be Wile E. Coyote), and we moved on.

However, dear old Eric, the quizmaster with all the patter, won’t let us move on. When he goes through the answers, we get him fumbling around with what are seemingly random letters. “Willy kyata, er, Wilehe… not that’s not right” he mutters in his thick Stoke accent. “Koiata…coyoty…ka…” Eventually he stops… “you know who i mean!” Eric, the Man, the Myth, the Legend.

I think the main consolation from our has to come from the fact that Mark was truly delighted to beat his nemesis – the white haired man with the thick glasses. Looks like a proper Quiz regular around the circuit. In fact, it’s exactly how Mark will look in 10 years’ time…

Well, that and the fact that Eric said he would be available should we want him for a Gladiators quiz night…

Underachievement

Wednesday came around again and somewhat lethargically we arrived at the pub. England were losing to Croatia, and the mood was sombre. Things did not improve when our illustrious 4th member, a certain Mr. Hogarth, sent word through that he would not be joining us. Naturally we did what any supportive team mates would do, and immediately set about thinking of excuses and reasons why we could blame Dave for our impending defeat…

So, with the three remaining members attempting to fill the gaping void left by the Chairman, the quiz commenced. Question 1, “Which Actor played Superman in the original films?”ok, Christopher Reeve, that one’s easy enough. “Question 2, Who was Einstein’s mother’s lover’s daughter’s cousin?” – well, not really, but it might as well have been! The quiz spiralled rapidl out of control. Questions about Karl D. Saunerbraun, women getting shot, blood clots and barcodes all left us a little dazed and confused, so when we reached the half way point, it was fair to say we weren’t feeling confident. “Blog moment” of the night came from – you guessed it – Mark Gilbranch, who, when posed with the question “What is Ombraphobia?” replied with “Ombra, that’s a bit like Umbro. What’s the Umbro logo?”

“So, fear of concentric diamonds is it Mark?” For anyone keeping score, it’s actually fear of rain, so he was close…

So the second half of the quiz begins, and it’s fair to say that at this stage the excuses are flying.. “Well, Dave would have known that”, “Maybe if Dave was here we’d have been able to brainstorm that one”, “If Dave had been sat in that seat he could have seen over to the answer sheets on the next table”, “If Dave knows about Campanology, then he should know what a costamonger is!” And so on…

But it truly was a game of two halves, and we roared back into contention after the interval. With such spectacular answers as “Kenneth Graham wrote the Wind in the Willows”, and that the “Graf Spee was the German battleship scuttled off Montevideo in 1939″, we found our confidence building. Coincidentally this was at the same time that news of England pulling back to 2-2 filtered through.

However, England eventually succumbed to the Croats, and we thought we’d succumb to the “quiz powerhouses” who win every week. Dave always says that a winning total is 40 out of 50. We’d got 34. I’ll get my coat…

But then, something odd happened. Nobody admitted to having a score over 40. Or over 35. We’re back in the game! We declared 34, two teams had 33, and another 32. It was tight, so Eric wanted to mark them himself.

The tension builds…

…sweat beads on our brow…

…hearts pounding…

…and then…

“So, this week’s winners, with 34 points is ‘Glad To Be Back’”

VICTORY! Who needs Hogarth and his “you’ve got to get 40 to win” attitude! A bottle of wine and 18 quid was ours! Hooray! In your face quiz geniuses! Champions again….

However, the best was yet to come…

Eric returned our quiz sheet, having clearly marked us as having 33 instead of 34. On top of that, there were at least two occassions he’d marked a correct answer wrong, and when he marked a worng answer right. The latter was interesting – “What was the first product to be barcoded?” We put Tea Bags, the answer – Chewing Gum. Not really similar, but similar enough to fool Eric!

But we’re not complaining – winners again!

P.S. I asked my other half some of the questions after the quiz, to see if she could manage any of them. My favourite was he answer to “What’s the most common road name in Britain?” The correct answer – High Street. Her answer – M25. She’s not normally that stupid, honest….

Introducing our Fearless leader..

 

Name:
Matthew Neil Roberts

Age: 25

Occupation: Salesman (in the true “Del Boy” mould)

Playing experience: 3 years college with the Essex Blades, 2 years senior with the Gladiators

Coaching experience: 5 years college (Defensive Co-ordinator with the Essex Blades), 1 year youth (Colchester Gladiators Youth).

NFL team: Minnesota Vikings

Favourite ever player: Robert Smith, Ex-Minnesota RB or Jim Kleinsasser, Vikings TE/FB

How did you get into American Football?

Accidentally taped a game on channel four after the film kept taping after my program, was only 8 at the time and ended up watching Minnesota Vs Cincinnati to pass time at my Grans… loved the game and the rest is history!

What’s your coaching philosophy?

Stress fundamentals, keeping it simple and just plain executing better than the other guys. Team speed is crucial too, you can’t coach speed, and speed kills on both sides of the ball; if guys can’t get to where they need to be your always going to struggle.

Who are your role models within the sport? Is there anyone you aspire to be like?

Not especially to be honest; as long as guys respect me for what I can do, forgive me for what I can’t then I’ll be happy enough.

How would you like to see British football develop in the coming seasons?

I would hope that teams follow the lead of teams like the Gladiators with the off the field work, score boards, DJs, commentators… I think the future lies in the game day experience of paying fans and too many teams, even the best still make little effort. Would also like to see the youth teams really be put on a much higher pedestal than it is at the moment, it really is the future of the game if we are to ever threaten the stranglehold the European teams have over us. Youth football is a vital component of any club’s long term development, so it’s vital that each club and the league look to support youth football and youth programmes, and really encourage kids to get involved. That’s the way the sport will grow in this country.

Where do you see the Gladiators in 5 years time?

In five years I expect us to be either in the top flight, or certainly in Div1 bowl games to be there. If we aren’t at the top echelons of Div1 in five years I will count that as a team, and personal failure. I have high expectations of this club and of each and every player in the ranks. Everybody has a role to play, and when they get an oppotunity i want them prepared and ready to contribute to the team, both now and in the future.

What are your aspirations for the 2008 BAFL season?

First off to get players to really trust in the training and the coaching staff, to get bodies to sessions and start the ball rolling. If guys put in the same effort that the coaching staff and Management Committee will be then there is no reason at all why we won’t finish the year with promotion back to Div1.

Goalie vs. Popstar, Lobster vs. Langoustine, Mark vs. the world

Well, this week the intrepid three (Mark, George and I) took on the quizmaster. Our fearless Chairman was absent until the final 6 questions, so this week he’s to blame for the loss. Sorry Dave, but someone’s got to cop it… 

Mark, to his credit, actually performed well this week, with only a couple of “Gilbranch moments”. The first was not a comedy answer as such, but his tense and panicky reaction to the question “What is a freshwater Lobster more commonly known as?” His first reaction was Crayfish, which he scribbled down. Then he paused, crossed it out, and attempted to write Langoustine. It may have been another change of mind, or it may have been the fact he struggled to spell it, but that soon got crossed out too. He starts writing “Cray-” then pauses, and says, “Not sure about this one”. You don’t say. “Well, put it this way, langoustines are seafood”, we tell him. “Right, so it must be crayfish then?” Yes Mark.  

However, Mark couldn’t quite steal the thunder from the real star of the show. Eric, the author, announcer, and arbiter of all things quiz, truly stole the show from Mark, and had us giggling for quite some time. His sheer array of errors, mispronunciations, and incorrect statements really keeps every team on their toes! So, it began on question 2. In his distinctive thick Stoke accent he posed the question, “Which goalkeeper failed to stop Madonna’s hand of God?”. Hang on, did he just say… “I’ll repeat that, which goalkeeper failed to stop Madonna’s hand of God?”  Yup, he did. Apparently one of the greatest footballers of his generation, a diminutive and chubby dark haired dynamo from South America can be easily confused with a tall, skinny, blonde, pop star with ice cream cones on her chest. 

After that, two questions into a 50 question quiz, we had his standard “Ooh, these are easy ones tonight”. You wrote them Eric. If you don’t know the answers, then what chance to we stand? 

“Aside from a very fine eating establishment, what is the Star of India?” soon followed, and then a real cracker. “There are four words in the English language that end in -dous. Tremendous, horrendous and suspenders are three, what’s the third?” Erm, Eric, are you sure about that? Not only have you said three, and asked for the third but you said… “There are four words in the English language that end in -dous. Tremendous, horrendous and suspenders are three, what’s the fourth?” Ok, so he corrected one of his errors. I guess we assume suspenders actually means stupendous… 

So, after Eric stumbled through some more questions, we came to the answers. Sure enough… “It was Peter Shilton who couldn’t keep out Madonna’s hand of God.”  As we chuckled away to ourselves, he let slip another… “The pink and yellow cake wrapped in marzipan is a Battenburger”. At this point someone actually had to tell him he was wrong. “Oh yes, my first mistake of the evening!” No Eric, no it wasn’t. Nor was it his last. 

“The two remaining tenors are Carreras and Domino”. Might need to Google that one Eric. I didn’t tell him that though, for fear he’d try to sing to me. 

Then onto finding the winner, as ever this began with his announcement, “Well, it was ever so easy tonight, so have we got anyone with 45 or more…No? Crikey, I should have played myself tonight! The questions were so easy…” 

As it transpired the winners were the same as last week, and the look Mark gave the bloke as he walked past suggests that Mark has adopted him as his new nemesis. Next week could prove very competitive…